Oh Can't You See You Belong To me

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep on crying baby, baby please

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Every move you make
Every step you take

I'll be watching you
--Every Breath You Take, The Police

~*maria*~

i'm Still Frustrated From Last Night

Last night was a lot of fun. We went to Guke's and hung out. He keeps it really cold there, which i enjoyed. He got ridiculously drunk, which served to be fun when we were cuddling and trying to sleep. This morning i really wished i still had a car. i didn't want to leave. But Manda and Mandy had things to do. But i'll see him again soon. i accidentally left a bunch of stuff there. Meow.

Let's get fucked up and die.
I'm speaking figuratively, of course
Like the last time that I committed suicide, social suicide
Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
I've learned to love the lie.

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense, yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, because I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.
(In this department)

Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie,
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,
Because I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my the forget-me-nots and marigolds
And all the things that don't get old
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself around other peoples' descriptions of life
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless
(In this department)

Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time I'm feeling
we'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That’s no shocking and surprise.
I believe that I can overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Sister soldier
You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you,
I would, but I'm hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative.

God damn the liquor stores' closed,
we were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys til it kills..
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.
(In this department)
--LG FUAD, Motion City Soundtrack

~*maria*~

Love Grows In Me Like A Tumor

Fuck? A few weeks ago, Manda told me i should date Guke. At first i was like, "No way. i could never date Guke." But as the weeks went by and i saw Mark a couple more times, i kept thinking about it. As i continue to think about it and talk to him all the time and cuddle with him, if he asked me out, i'd say yes. i'd definitely be nervous about saying yes because i still have feelings for Mark and i'd be afraid that would get in the way. But i can't be hung up on him anymore. We'll never be together, i need to move on.

Plus, Guke is an amazing cuddler. i could just lay in his arms all day.

~*maria*~

If We Weren't Such Good Friends...

Shit. This situation is bad. i don't know what to do.

Love grows in me like a tumor
Parasite bent on devouring its host
I'm developing my sense of humor
Till I can laugh at my heart between your teeth
Till I can laugh at my face beneath your feet

Skillet on the stove
It's such a temptation
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burnt
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love plows through me like a dozer
I've got more give than a bale of hay
And there's always a big mess left over
With the "What did you do?"
And the "What did you say?"
"What did you do?" and the "What did you say?"

Skillet on the stove
It's such a temptation
Maybe I'll be the special one that doesn't get burnt
What the fuck was I thinking?

What the fuck was I thinking?

Love tears me up like a demon
Opens the wounds, then fills them with lead
And I'm having some trouble just breathing
If we weren't such good friends I think that I'd hate you
If we weren't such good friends I'd wish you were dead

Skillet on the stove
It's such a temptation
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burnt
What the fuck was I thinking?

What the fuck was I thinking?

Love is so embarrassing
I'm this awkward and uncomfortable thing
I'm running out of places to hide it
I'm running out of places to hide it
What the fuck was I thinking?

(You know that I've got what you want)
What the fuck was I thinking?
--Fuck Was I, Jenny Owen Youngs

~*maria*~

Headlights

i saw the car coming a little ahead of me. i looked at the traffic light and saw it was red. i looked to the right and the headlights were a foot from me. i took a deep breath. Then, for a few seconds, i saw and heard nothing. i spun a full 180. And ended up facing the wrong way on the one way street. For a split second before the hit, i thought i might die. When i realized i was alive and relatively okay, i started crying. i just kept thinking, "i'm sorry" over and over again. i muttered "fuck" under my breath as i pulled the car to the side of the road. i realized my glasses weren't in front of my eyes anymore but on the other side of the car, splattered with energy drink.

As i tried to sleep that night a few hours later, all i kept seeing were the headlights coming towards me. What had me so distracted that i didn't even realize where i was until it was too late? i'll give you three guesses, but it won't take that many.

~*maria*~

And If You Do Not Want To See me Again, I Would Understand

Jonny Depp has an amazing voice.

i've been busy except i haven't really done anything.

i fooled myself into thinking you actually had a reason for coming with me that night. i wished and wished. But we sat in silence.

i'm so sick of this. The night before the Halo party i didn't feel anything for him, but when i thought about not liking him anymore, it made me sad. Then i walked in and saw him and his brother and i started to regret ever telling him again. i still do. That was so retarded of me. Why the hell did i do that?!

And then there's Guke.

~*maria*~

Pathetic New Year

New Year's Eve has always been my favorite holiday. But this year i spent it alone. i hate this.

~*maria*~