M&M'S

i'm okay. i'm okay. i'm okay.

~*maria*~

Alone

He said he wanted Saturday night for some time for himself. i didn't know if he was kidding or not but i didn't even bother asking if i could come over. Whether he was joking or not, he spent the night with another girl. They're friends. And i know i shouldn't be, but i'm a little jealous. i don't think he and i should be together. i don't really think i should be with anyone.

~*maria*~

WTF

What's the point? i'm not really any happier now than i was before we were going out. i need from a guy than even this one has to offer me, and that's a lot. There isn't a guy out there that can really be there for me all the times i really need him. i kind of think i'm better off alone because then no one's letting me down.

~*maria*~

St. Paddy's Day

Holy crap. Last night was awesome. i wasn't really looking forward to work, but when i got in there Chad said i should help him design and set up the "rave wall." I got to dress a mannequin and it looked awesome. It took us like three hours just to make it. It was pretty cool. We blew through closing really quick and we were out of there by 9:30. i went home, put on my new Dropkick Murphys shirt, which is my new favorite shirt. It's so comfy and i look hot in it. i started on my way to Whitewater where i was meeting Joe. I got there about 45 minutes later, went downstairs, and there were a ridiculous amount of people down there. Joe wasn't down there. i went outside and found him. i was so happy to see him. i got to actually meet Eric Schilling, who's an actually pretty cool guy. And he thinks i'm pretty cool too. There were people puking outside and everything. Everyone except a few people were drunk. It was ridiculous. Meinel came outside, wasted, and tackled Brett. It was funny. He's very violent when he's drunk. He saw me and got really excited, came over, hugged me, asked me to have sex with him, and then bit me on the neck. It was awesome. Meinel's so cute. Joe and i sat around for a couple hours and then i drove us back to his house. We watched a couple movies and then went to bed. i love St. Patrick's Day.

~*maria*~

"i'm An Idiot"

That morning of October 4 when i failed miserably with Mark, i sent Rachel a text that said, "I'm an idiot." i've saved it ever since and everytime i do something stupid i think of that text. It's true. i'm an idiot.

~*maria*~

Bruised

i'm getting really depressed again and i don't know why. i don't really have a reason to be depressed. my life is going relatively well. i've got a boyfriend who cares about me and treats me well most of the time, i've got good friends, i'm back in madison, i've got a pretty good job. So what the hell's the problem? i have no clue, but here i sit, crying. Fuck.

~*maria*~

*Sigh*

Blargh. i get paid this Friday but that means i don't have any money to go to Flogging Molly with Joe tomorrow. i'm sad. i wanted to go. And i also don't get to go to MSI on Friday because of a stupid Twilight party at Hot Topic i have to work during. It's okay. MSI will come back eventually and Joe will have more fun tomorrow without me.

i miss Joe. A lot.

~*maria*~

Jobs & Friends

i have two jobs. One at Hot Topic for only 10-15 hours a week and one at Target for 20-25 hours a week. i'm thinking that after i get enough money to buy a car i might quit Target and only work at Hot Topic. i'm excited to start. A little nervous, but i'm pretty sure i can handle this. i just won't get to see Joe as much as i have been lately. But we'll survive.

~*maria*~