New Year, Same Feelings

During the Moses Family Christmas Party, John and Lindsey were talking about what they thought love was. John said it's wanting to have a starring role in someone's life. Wanting to be the cause of good things that happen to them. That's how i feel too.

i wish i could find a guy who wants that. Someone who wants to be with me, who wants to talk to me even when there's tons of other people around.

~*maria*~

Will We Be Alright Left Alone Tonight?

He's really pissing me off lately. i don't know why. He just is. i mean i stayed up for two days straight because he told me to get my priest to 60 so we could level together. Guess how much we've leveled. None. None level. i keep asking, but he just ignores me. Fucking asshole. My taste in men is getting worse by the minute.

~*maria*~

i Can't Predict The Weather Past The Storm

i feel empty. Like after losing him, i won't have anything to hold onto. i feel like i'm floating, like i can't touch the ground. Like nothing is holding me here. i felt so grounded and safe and happy when i thought there was a chance. And now...now there is a constant nagging feeling that i'm losing something amazing and i will regret it forever. "I would say just be friends for now." i'm trying so hard but it hurts so bad. Not even when i was trying to get over Moses freshman year of high school did it hurt like this. This is something completely different. What if this was supposed to be something but i'm giving up?

~*maria*~