Spinning

i don't understand my life. It's like every good thing has to have a bad side. Why can't something completely good just happen for once? No down side, no catch. Just something to make me completely happy.

This past weekend i went to Aaron's in Platteville. Before i went, i decided that if he made a move, i'd go for it. At the time i thought he liked me. i decided i'd settle for him. He's a great guy, he just isn't the guy i want. So eventually i just asked him how he felt about me. He said he just saw me as a friend. And i was happy. i was happy that it solved my problem for me. i didn't have to be logical and go for the guy who lived an hour away instead of twenty.

So on my way home from Pville i decided to just ask Rob how he felt about me. i figured i could knock out all my guy problems within a twenty-four hour period. So i asked. i asked if he could ever see me as more than just a friend. His response? Side note: For months i have convinced myself there's no chance, so when i asked him, i expected a "no." His response: "Of course." i don't think i've ever been more shocked in my entire life.

i thought about that all night. What did he mean by of course? Like a hypothetical there's-always-a-chance-anyone-could-like-anyone way? Or a yes-i-like-you way? So i asked him today. He likes me. He just has a problem with the distance.

So what now? Do we just ignore our feelings and go on just being friends, searching for someone closer to home? Or do we give it a shot? Say fuck it, it's just distance? Either option will suck. And now that i know how he feels, there's no way i'm going to be able to forget about him anytime soon. Only in my life would i meet an amazing guy who makes me feel wonderful and who also has to live very far away. So what the fuck do i do now?

~*maria*~