The One Where She Does Something Stupid

i didn't really want to go when i was stepping out the door. i could've stayed home and played games with Rob. But i told her i'd go. i already committed and i felt bad backing out last second. So i drove in the dark with the raccoons and the moths and the deer. That place is so different every time i have the nerve to step into it. i felt nervous. i wanted to have fun. i didn't want it to go the same as it had been going. i wanted something good to happen. Most of all i didn't want to cry all the way home at four in the morning because i fear i made a mistake every time i see him. i had come too far to turn back. We played games. i had fun. i got drunk. Made a mistake. Played more games. Went upstairs. Sat. Cuddled. And when everyone left to play more games, i made an even bigger mistake. But i guess i only call it a mistake because i assume others would view it as one. i don't regret it. And if i don't regret it, can it really be a mistake? i don't want to take it back and don't feel the need to apologize for it. It may not have been the smartest thing, but it was fun. And it made me feel loved again, even if it was just for the night. i doubt i was the reason he was holding me so tight. i'm sure he was just happy to have someone to hold, it didn't matter who. Because there's no way i could ever mean that much to someone.