i Love You Like Dora Loves Maps

He's making it very difficult to move on. Not that i really want to.

~*maria*~

Cool Points

i had a moment of clarity while i was making mocha sauce at work tonight. What am i expecting to happen? Will he really just all of a sudden one day tell me he's ready to give this a shot?

Be realistic here. That's never actually going to happen. He's not just going to wake up one day and realize i'm worth the hassle of the distance. What is much more likely is that we will continue in this almost-relationship stage until a better girl comes along and he starts dating her. And it will absolutely destroy me. i can't believe i let myself get so invested. i'm an idiot.

~*maria*~

Kiddo

It wasn't supposed to get this far. i'm tired of waiting. i'm really depressed. i'm crying all the time. i have no motivation. i've screwed school up. i just want him.

~*maria*~

Little Lady

Maybe people are right.

Am i wasting my time?

Maybe i should forget about him and settle for someone closer to home.

i'm screwing this up. i really don't think he'll have the same feelings if we meet.

i'm not pretty.

i'm annoying

i'm kind of a bitch.

Just watch me screw this up. i bet you i can.

~*maria*~

Quite Possibly

"As much as I would like to say yes, I can't out of respect," he said. "I've got a lot of things going on in my life and I can't bring another person into it all. If I can keep up this forward momentum I have going then I can see taking our friendship further. I just can't jump into a relationship yet. Not when I still have so much on my plate."

So i have to wait for him to clear some room on his plate for me. i know patience is not one of my virtues, but i will try my best. He's worth it.

~*maria*~

i'm So Lonely For Her

It's not until you try to sleep after burning all the friendly bridges and being rejected in the nicest possible way by a man you feel very strongly for that you really realize how it feels to be alone.

~*maria*~

Dreaming

The realization that it was just a dream when you wake up is the worst part of it. i could still feel his fingers between mine. i laid in bed and just thought about it for what seemed like hours. i wish i could just call him mine.

~*maria*~