It's Scumbag Christmas!

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Screw. This. Shit.

~*maria*~

Message To Myself

Hey! Listen!


~*maria*~

Uku...Ladies? [FTFY]

**Warning: Ultra-drunk post ahead. Proceed with caution.**

Watching the man i used to be with up on stage playing the ukulele with the man i have a crush on now almost killed me (i know, i know. i wish i could have some time when i didn't have a crush on a guy. But at some point in the past couple months my brain has suddenly decided to latch onto this one. Fuck me).

So i started downing drinks like there's no tomorrow.
Because that's how i deal with emotional problems because i don't actually want to face my emotions because they're scary and stupid and i shouldn't have the ones i have but i have no clue how to get rid of them.

And now i'm really embarrassed because i got drunk in front of them on a Monday night. Good going sydnie. No wonder you're alone.

~*maria*~

P.S. I told him Kyle has seen me really drunk. Kyle said it was really funny. Yeah, funny because you can use me, lead me on, and then ditch me for some other frumpy girl. Yeah that's so fucking hilarious.

Oh my god I fucking hate February so much.

P.P.S. Oh wait, I get it. It's really funny because I'm always really forward when I'm drunk right? But I'll also never be with the man I want at that moment. Which means, for Kyle, it's so FUCKING HILARIOUS THAT I WILL BE ALONE FOREVER! YAY! You're right. That's so funny! Oh my god. Just flippin' hilarious.

Space

Can't you just leave me alone? Can't you get my subtle hints of pretty much ignoring you unless you come up to me? I'm sorry. I know you want to be friends, at least that's what you said but I don't believe anything you say anymore. The thing is you destroyed me worse than anyone has. You and the absolute completely wrong way you dealt with the situation hurt me so much that my entire way of approaching people and events has changed drastically. I just want to finally be done with it. I don't want to see you, talk to you, have to listen to all the stupid things happening in your life. I don't care. But I just can't get away. Every time I turn around, there you are. You even switched into one of my classes so now I have to see you three times a week. Goddamnit. I want to be friends (not for my or your benefit but simply because we have a lot of common friends now and it'll be difficult to hate you and still try to be friends with them) but that will never happen if I can't get some flippin' space.

Ugh. I hate February.