Love Life

i'm happy.

...you don't seem the type to use the word cute
well...why not?
because cute seems like a happy word
and you don't seem like a happy person:)
am i really that depressing all the time?
not depressing
but not happy
depressed
it doesn't depress me, but you seem unhappy most of the time there are rare occasions when you're laughing and happy but it's usually at the destruction of other humans, like when we saw braveheart, or sometimes when we're playing GOTY

i'm wanted.

i know, i don't know, i guess im a little scared that you and i will just slowly drift apart, because you know i'm not outgoing enough to start conversations, and then eventually we'll just sort of ...i don't know, it's stupid i know

i'm blameless.

if it's anyone's fault it's mine... i sent mixed signals to begin with, and then i left you entirely because i figured it'd be easier for you to deal with things if i wasn't around to complicate your life... so i stopped talking to you for a while, hoping you'd have time to heal and get over it, and adriane..
adriane just came along at the right time and said what she did to who she did at just the right time... i was confused, to be sure, because there was you and there was angela (whom i really liked at the time, but she wouldn't reciprocate)... and then she came along, and i figured i'd give it a shot, because i had nothing to lose...
syd, there's no competing with her, not because she's better than you in any way... but she's better for me.
you're not stupid and ugly like you always insist...
you still surprise me from time to time with little feats of cunning or intelligence, and i still find you attractive on occasion (although, discipline and commitment have all but removed my ability to be attracted to anyone but adriane)... i dunno what else to say, then, except that...
i'm sorry for screwing up your life. i wish i could give you all this time of confusion and unhappiness back to you... but i can't.

i'm used. i'm abandoned. i'm not worth the risk.

~*maria*~