He said i seemed down and out lately, and asked what was going on. i was reluctant at first. But he kept pushing. So finally i listed the broad categories of the areas of my life i was having problems in, which is pretty much all of them. He then asked me one by one what was happening. We talked for a long time. He asked me about my men troubles. i told him i liked a guy but there's no way in hell he'd like me back. He said i should be more available, be blatantly obvious that i like this man. So i'm going to be. i might pull some courage from past sydnie and even tell him flat out that if he wants me, i'm his. And if not, we'll be friends. i know what he'll say. He'll reject me like the others. But then at least i can stop wasting my time and focus on more realistic prospects.
i also asked him why he didn't have a special lady friend. He said he took a break after his last girlfriend and just hadn't pursued anything yet. He said he hadn't found the right girl. That all the girls he comes across are party girls and while they're fun for a few days, he has no desire to have a relationship with a girl like that.
i'm not a party girl. Not anymore.
This is weird. Usually i'd just say screw it, that the distance was too much. That long distance relationships don't work. i've done that before. But there's something about him that makes me incapable of doing that. i feel so comfortable around him. Not nervous like i usually am around guys i have feelings for. Something about it just feels right. i feel a lot more hopeful about this than i have about other guys before. i don't know how to explain it. It just...it feels...different.
~*maria*~
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